Humorous Quotes attributed to G. B. Shaw 1856-1950, Irish Dramatist

• A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.
• A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable but more useful than a life spent doing nothing.
• A lifetime of happiness! No man alive could bear it: it would be hell on earth.
• A doctor’s reputation is made by the number of eminent men who die under his care.
• Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life.
• All great truths begin as blasphemies.
• Baseball has the great advantage over cricket of being sooner ended.
• Dancing: The vertical expression of a horizontal desire legalized by music.
• Do not do unto others as you would that they should do unto you. Their tastes may not be the same.
• Do not try to live for ever. You will not succeed.
• England and America are two countries divided by a common language.
• Even the youngest of us may be wrong sometimes.
• Few people think more than two or three times a year; I have made an international reputation for myself by thinking once or twice a week.
• I was always unlawful; I broke the law when I was born because my parents weren't married.
• I often quote myself, it adds spice to my conversation.
• If all the economists in the world were laid end to end, they wouldn’t reach any conclusion.
• It is a woman’s business to get married as soon as possible, and a man’s to keep unmarried as long as he can.
• Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh.
• Martyrdom: The only way a man can become famous without ability.
• My reputation grows with every failure.
• One man that has a mind and knows it can always beat ten men who haven't and don't.
• Only Lawyers and mental defectives are automatically exempt for jury duty.
• Take the utmost trouble to find the right thing to say, and then say it with the utmost levity.
• The golden rule is that there are no golden rules.
• The perfect love affair is one which is conducted entirely by post.
• The worst sin toward our fellow creatures is not to hate them, but to be indifferent to them: that’s the essence of inhumanity.
• The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man.
• The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it.
• The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation but not the power of speech.
• There are two tragedies in life. One is not to get your heart’s desire. The other is to get it.
• Those who can do, those who can't teach.
• To be clever enough to get a great deal of money, one must be stupid enough to want it.
• We learn from experience that men never learn anything from experience.
• We should all be obliged to appear before a board every five years and justify our existence...on pain of liquidation.
• We don't stop playing because we grow old; We grow old because we stop playing !
• What really flatters a man is that you think him worth flattery.
• When a stupid man is doing something he is ashamed of, he always declares that it is his duty.
• When a man wants to murder a tiger he calls it sport; when a tiger wants to murder him he calls it ferocity.
• When a man teaches something he does not know to somebody else who has no aptitude for it, and gives him a certificate of proficiency, the latter has completed the education of a gentleman.
• Which painting in the National Gallery would I save if there was a fire? The one nearest the door of course.
• You see things; and you say `Why?' But I dream things that never were; and I say `Why not?
• Youth is a wonderful thing. What a crime to waste it on children.